Land of Confusion... or

Tempted by thr Fruit of Another.

Those two song titles seem to apply best to my brainwaves at the moment.

Here's the thing:

Divorce countdown is pulling into the last month- I'm soon to be a free woman again- as free as I ever am, anyway.

I've been in deep conversation and webcam sessions with my dear dear friend "Xavier" from Florida, but my mind's been wandering away for the last couple of days. I care deeply for him- I really do, but the fact of the matter is we've never met in person and my heart won't let me become as attached to a voice on a phone as I want it to be. Hopefully that'll all change after he comes for a visit (which always seems to be impending but never here).

Then there's a friend of mine from Newport that just recently broke up with his girl- whom I also care deeply for. Very deeply- he's the best girlfriend a girl could ask for (and now Queen knows who I'm talking about. I've not even let her in on half of this, so reading this will be a shock for her, I think). But I'm not in Newport now and I can't get him out of the fringes of my mind.

Then there's Ace, whom I also left behind in Newport, and who I could fall for instantly whenever he walks in a room I'm occupying. It happens every time, and I can't help it. Him I know I stand no chance with, and that hurts a lot.

There's also Hot Boss, the subject of much daydreams and many late night fantasy sessions- his is the sexual tension of being unattainable and still right there in my face at least once a month.

Now there's YET ANOTHER ELEMENT to what seems to be the revolving door of my libido. One of my techs at work has been heavily flirtacious with me lately- I've only made passing mention of him to Queen and Xavier, but it's been pretty obvious ever since Inventory Day that he's interested in me... sexually. Here's the rub: married, albeit somewhat unhappily, with FOUR little girls, the oldest being seven, the youngest being three months. That means she was born just before I moved here to great big old Greenville. Married to me means off limits, no questions asked. But still... a girl can fantasize, can't she?

Ah, thank the gods for the one fixed star in my whirling galaxy of relationships: My Queen. I don't think I could survive the days if it weren't for her and King.